The Pain and Pride of a Patriarch

I must admit.  I am hooked to another Filipino TV series “Minsan Lang Kita Iibigin”  (I Will Only Love You Once) aired on The Filipino Channel of ABS-CBN on international television.

The  plot revolves around the story of estranged twins who were raised in opposing cultures of society.  One of the twins (named Alexander portrayed by Coco Martin) was raised in the family of a very important military figure (aka General Jaime Sebastiano played by Ronaldo Valdez).  The other (named Javier also played by Coco Martin) was raised ironically by the estranged wife (aka Remedios/Elena played by Boots Anson Roa) of that same militia man and a “kadre” among the rebels of society.

http://minsan.abs-cbn.com/fileimages/albums/13/039.jpg

From this series, its June 8, 2011 episode where the general-grandfather chewed out on his erring grandson Javier.  The episode highlighted the eventual exodus of the lad’s family from the mansion of the general.   This scene struck me big time.  It’s a Daddy-thing.

My father is no military man.  He is an engineer.  A mechanical engineer.  But under him, I was raised to “obey first before you complain“.  That stiff.  My Daddy’s word is the LAW.  And even among his siblings, anything he says is seriously regarded.  In his hometown during my childhood I never realized the value of being introduced as “Anak ng Delo” (child of Delo – short name coined by my Dad’s clan) until I came to this age.

I feel this connection between the general as a father in that episode and my Dad.  As much as a father needs to be firm with their decisions, strict with their rules, steadfast with their principles, unforgiving with their punishment, he is also soft in heart, fearful of not being needed, scorned by being left alone, jibed with failure.

That the general had to send his own erring grandson to jail was a blow to his ego as a military man who upholds the law.  In the same way, his heart as a grandparent hopes that someday this boy will understand why Lolo (Filipino term for calling grandfathers) had to be authoritative.  Ronaldo Valdez’s character stands as the norms that we have to conform with in society to be called a good citizen, or at the very least a normal person.  His role is the painful truth that a man is measured against.  And I bet, fathers don’t actually enjoy that all the time.

Though Daddy has always been a rigid disciplinarian, he indulges in light moments with us, his children.  Dad has this sense of humor that makes us forgive him for the moments when he seems to be unyielding.  Now I better understand that when he looks at you straight in the eye with a blank expression on his face, what he means to say is that:

“Please weigh your options first before you decide.  I know you are intelligent.  I trust you.  And whatever you decide on, make sure that you stand by it like how I have taught you by example.  And don’t be afraid to fail, because I will support you.  I will help repair the damage.”

I understand better too that when he says NO, what he means to say is that:

“I need to be a devil’s advocate sometimes because in the world outside of my loving arms, it’s dog eats dog out there.  And you have to learn how to accept rejection or defeat in a graceful and honorable manner.   Even if you make mistakes.  Even if you don’t get what you want. You deserve something better. I always want the best for you.

When Dad assigns various chores for us to do and to accomplish them RIGHT NOW, I appreciate it that he means to say:

“You are intelligent and creative and responsible.  I know you can handle these things even if it means that you have to multi-task.  I want you to weigh your priorities while I keep your feet on the ground.  I know your brains will take you far and wide.  You are my children and I am proud of you.”

And when his words of wisdom sounds more like an insult to the ego, Daddy just means to say:

“I’m just awaking your senses.  You are human.  Pretty much like me.  But you have to be tough when the going gets rough.  Even as I want to make things easy for you, what is hard earned endures better.  Patience is rewarded by what good awaits the end.  This way, you get to build a better character yourself.  And no one can put down a good person.  I will not allow them to.“

OST MLKI Courtesy of http://minsan.abs-cbn.com/gallery.aspx#gallery

Seeking Self Worth In A Hundred Days To Heaven

I cried.

It’s not usual for me but I did when I watched the June 2, 2011 episode replay of ABS-CBN‘s 100 Days To Heaven.  I am not an avid fan of this network but I got stuck with this show.  And I must say that in my following, ultimately, this particular episode showed the plot of the whole series.  It’s all about seeking one’s self-worth.

In brief, a wicked boss dies from a car bomb explosion.  Screened and rejected at the gates of what seemed to be heaven, she makes a round trip back to her life on earth to redeem her wrong doings but as a young girl.  In a hundred days, she must accomplish her task or she will be sent to hell.

In her mission, she struggles to find people whom she has wronged and then to seek for their forgiveness.  Her self-righteousness makes her quest more difficult.  Until one day, a janitor confesses to her how ironically his allegedly dead boss’s  wickedness has changed his life as he used to be an illiterate.  He takes the scolding as a motivation to learn to read and write.  Beyond that, he admits feeling more empowered with a beefed up sense of self-worth. After that tear jerking scene she resolves that her strictness at work aimed to motivate people to be their best.  And that sometimes scolding them is just her way to be firm and less emotional as a boss.

 ..nasa pagtanggap na ng tao yun.. at kung uunahin nilang isipin na inapi sila, kinawawa, pinahirapan, imbes na tingnan nila at hanapin kung ano pa ang pagkukulang nila para (walang mangyari) sa kanila..[..it all depends on one’s perception… that they were scorned,, made fun of, trampled on , instead of looking within themselves for whatever they need to improve..] transcribed from a dialogue of Little Anna from a recorded video of the episode.

And then referring to the janitor:

..imbes na magmukmok siya o sisihin nya ko sa pagpapakita ng pagkakamali nya, , pero tinanggap nya ang pagkukulang niya, and he chose to do something about it.. at yun ang nagbago sa buhay nya. [instead of sulking or blaming me for minding his mistakes, he accepted the shortcoming and he chose to do something about it.. and that’s what changed his life] transcribed from a dialogue of Little Anna from a recorded video of the episode.

In the same way that it had to take Anna Manalastas her life to realize and accept her faults and to choose to do something about it, we too have to learn things the hard way almost all of the time.

A lot of people whom I know have so much bitterness in their hearts.  Sometimes it comes from hurtful experiences, frustrations, deprivations, or simply lack of contentment.  This bitterness is what Anna represents.  Her character reminds me of the dark night skies of which I always asked my fiance about what he sees in it while we lay on the fields and stargaze.  And he would reply:

I see the stars.  And the moon.

Indeed.  But I took him beyond what he saw.  I said:

Don’t you ever wonder why you see the stars and the moon first?  The moon and the stars shine brighter when you see the beauty of the darkness of the sky.

Everyone of us has a dark past to tell.  But just as Anna continues to justify the confessions of the janitor:

dahil alam nya na walang responsable sa sarili nating buhay kundi ang sarili natin. [Each of us are accountable for what becomes of us in our own lives].

100 Days To Heaven Copyright ©2011 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

Anna Manalastas Copyright ©2011 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

A Mother’s Counter Attack on Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg’s plan to lift ‘PG 13’

Bad News for Moms: Facebook Will Allow Kids Under 13 | The Stir.

Having read the link of fellow CafeMom’s blog The Stir, I am quite sure it stirs up different opinions about membership of minors under thirteen years old on Facebook (or to any other social networking site).

Well, this is not new.  I have to agree with another fellow CafeMom JessLogansMommy (http://www.cafemom.com/home/JessLogansMommy) that what we don’t know is that there are more minors who have registered themselves to social networks and gaming networks as well using bogus ages.

My minors for instance have Facebook and Friendster accounts after efforts of trying to keep them away from the cyber network where a lot of anonymous people prey on ignorant users.  My real aim though that I kept them away at first was that I wanted a more quiet life after freshly assuming the single parenting status.  I used a pseudonym for myself that only people who are really closely associated with me would recognize.  At least, it would take time searching for me on the social network by my legal name.  I did it to protect my own minors.

But minors cannot remain minors forever.  In this age where technology never sleeps, there’s no escaping what good or bad effects that modernization bring.  What we ‘technologically conservative’ moms can do is to raise the awareness of our children about bigger responsibilities.  The best approach is still the old parent-to-child conversation.  Application of technology for this purpose would be ideal to test our children how the appreciate modernization.

Years back, I opened an email account for each of my children.  I taught them how to use the internet through sending them simple emails and encouraging them to send me emails back.  In my mails, I concisely and lovingly explained what to expect in cyberspace.  With intelligent offspring like I have, it felt like sending the little birds to fly on little wings.  I told them how much I trust them.  I have to set the example on the use of the net so that any occurrence not like how my children and I interact online would be irregular, unethical, rude, and all the other terms to describe BAD.

Until a few more years later, they begged to have a Facebook account.  At first, I was reluctant (I am a normal mother still!).  But I wanted myself to remain as their model, so I allowed them to get one with their ages to correspond to my years.  What I avoided that way was that they get their accounts secretly and hide more things from me.  My rule about cyber networking was transparency.  Although they used the email accounts I created originally for them, I taught them how to change their password for their protection.  What I aimed for this time was recognizing the value of respect.  I do not pry on their accounts nor their emails.  And because I keep myself virtually distant about it, they voluntarily offered me their passwords so that I can access their accounts too.  (Just because of this game called Farmville where they asked me to help them harvest crops, I did that for sometime and then completely forgot about their passwords.)  See what trust and respect can do?

So to my fellow moms (and CafeMoms) out there,  let’s stay in control by discovering things with our children.  This way, at least we get a baseline of what they know ensuring that they know the essentials.  And then let go a little while keeping up with them at a safe distance so that in case things get unexpectedly out of hand then we still claim control over things by being able to help them out when they run back to MOMMY!

The Little Words

Indeed, all the important things in life are learned in Kindergarten. The formative years mark better retention of concepts and attitudes and assimilation of culture. Some of the things we learn may be enhanced, revised, or lost because of experiences along with growth. But significantly, there are a few things that we must always remember. I call them “the little words“.

First little word: PLEASE. This word makes things happen. Believe me. Even what you thought could not be done can be accomplished. Uttered with a soft, mellow tone, a request or even an order said with a ‘please’ could not be refused. In whatever language, a ‘please’ is not just a kind word. To whomever hears it, it signifies how important the request is. More so, it acknowledges the dignity of the person being told. Coming from a boss, a please makes tasks lighter. Coming from the ranks, a please reiterates how a request is valued much or is needed. Between friends, it makes the other run the extra mile.

The second little word: SORRY. This word changes a lot of things. Spoken in the sincerest low-tone, a grand mistake becomes a dust in the wind. A ‘sorry’ signifies more than just a humble admission of mistakes. It marks the beginning of something new or something a lot better. A ‘sorry’ is like a promise to not let anything go wrong again. A ‘sorry’ makes the worst enemies the best allies. It gives a different perspective about things. It poses various alternatives. A ‘sorry’ opens new windows.

The third little word: THANK YOU. For however big or small things it was uttered for, a simple ‘thank you’ melts hearts. It makes a grumpy frown turn into a smile. It turns sweat into sweet accomplishments. Hearing it from a boss, it feels so dignifying. Coming from a colleague, it makes a day’s penny worth into a million more earned. Coming from a friend, it builds a better bond. A ‘thank you’ is more than an expression of indebtedness. A ‘thank you’ promises more good things to come.

These three little words are usually underrated as one grows. But they are these words that build relationships and make them endure. They make good things happen and go a long way. They keep our feet on the ground to remind us that we as humans are never flawless so we have to strive to become better persons all the time. And so to lead happier lives, we should always remember these little words. These little words can change the world.

Two Wolves

I found this story from my dear aunt’s email. This originated from the real Americans, the Native American Indian. It struck me big time that I pondered about it.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said,

“My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

“One is EVIL – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is GOOD – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather : “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

What makes us humans different from savage beasts is that such a big part of us makes our emotions. The way we handle these emotions define what we are. We could never be too good nor be too bad. But just as the story suggests, the choice we make on which wolf to feed makes us or breaks us.

In an era of iPods, notebooks, Wii, PSPs, digital maps, etc., it’s not so difficult to gain superficial values that wane our character. We tend to follow the bandwagon that easily and forget the values we were once inculcated with. Hence we make choices that satisfy short term goals. We get swayed by what poses to be shortcuts to being good. We become more emotional and more attached to earthly things.

Last March, my daughter graduated as an OUTSTANDING STUDENT in her class wherein its members are all a year ahead of her. As an incentive she was asking me for a DS Lite, at the very least. I know she deserves it. But I thought of bargaining for something better. I remembered she mentioned before that she wanted to learn how to play the violin. To achieve that, I have been looking around for a good violin to give her as a present. I told her I can get her the DS Lite too. But by virtue of her age, it’s better to start learning young. The DS Lite can get better versions anytime. Though the violin will remain the way it looks like now as it had been long ago, it’s the character of the violinist that gets better in time.

I am not sure how she takes it. Her young mind may be too excited to understand such concepts. But I am still so excited to get her the violin. That is an investment not only for me but for her future as well. It may not bring her financial gains instantly. But the discipline and character that learning can bring will lead her to better heights that money just can’t buy.