بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
The Filipino vernacular collectively call parents as “magulang” read as \muh-goo-luhng\. Taken from the root word gulang which refers to chronological age in figures, magulang would mean someone who is mature. In other contexts, it could also mean taking advantage of an inexperienced person. The latter meaning is quite arguable. Because that’s not how I am oriented with Filipino parenting.
Parents are icons to their offspring. Good or bad, they are the best (or worst) role models of their own children ideally because they are the primary caregivers. The new millennium spells radically and extensively the social role of the parent. Parents are not just those who are donors of sperms and egg cells – correctly referred to as biological parents. Parents are not just sources of financial aid – socially referred to as sugar daddies and sugar mommies. Parents are those who nurture and raise the children. Notably, Wikipedia defines parent as “the mother or the father figure of a child”. Stress on the word figure. Hence anyone who takes active part in raising a child and continually renders emotional, spiritual and intellectual support must be a parent.
There’s more than meets the eye in parenthood. I am a daughter of most wonderful parents. I had a happy childhood. And I owe that to my parents. I have in fact several sets of parents. My biological parents first. They contribute a big deal to who I am. They contribute to my physical development. I inherit half of their genes. My features take on both my Mom and my Dad. It is also how they live practically and how they manage the household that I follow on. They are also the huge influence of my intellectual development. They are vital to the decisions I make. I have lived with them all this time through my ups and downs. And for that, it makes our relationship not just biological in nature.
Second are my paternal and maternal grandparents. They are the ties that bind. They keep siblings of their respective clans together. Their age gathers offspring to pitch in various care giving roles just as or even more than how they as young children have been taken care of once before. Wisdom from the stories they tell keep generations together. Lessons I learned from them and continuously learn from their memories make me appreciate my parents more. What my parents cannot and do not say explicitly, I learn from my grandparents’ sayings that express traditionally held truths. Luckily they have been my sources of financial aid too. Modesty aside, I grew up wanting nothing because I have been provided with everything that I need and I could ask for. Not that I lived extravagantly. But I appreciate life’s simplest pleasures by their example.
Third are my aunts and uncles who are siblings and cousins of both my parents. This set is the support to my pillars. They share dreams and contribute to the realization of such. They are buffers of my own parents. They are the second, third, fourth, and so on, opinions that my parents reared me with. Not that my parents cannot decide on their own daughter. They contribute greatly to my social development. But my parents have made me so loving to their siblings that I significantly became an important other child to aunts and uncles. More than anything else and beyond differences, I have learned from them to reciprocate love, love, love.
And so, with the parent-models that I have I strive to be a good Mumay (that’s how my daughters call me). A single parent, that is. As a Mumay, I am a work in progress. Because I grow with my children. I strive to be all that I have learned from all my parents and I struggle to improve on what they wishfully are.
In the same way, I also find ways to be who I must be for my own children. I am twice a Mumay. I gave birth to two beautiful angels. I nurture them. I share valuable skills that I exemplify and even those that I discover along the way that we three learn together.
I secure them not just by keeping them away from harm but by equipping them emotionally and physically to stand strong against what threatens their integrity.
I discipline them. That I find most vital. I am a huggy, touchy, kissy, playful Mumay. But I am also firm when it comes to principles that I guide them with. I make sure that decisions that concern them are aligned with how they ought to be as grown ups – independent, responsible, resilient, respectful, diligent, progressive, generous, and loving.
As ideal that I am, I am also realistic. I am aware that I have limitations. Household income is reduced ideally. Instead of having two heads earn for a living to sustain our needs, I have to work double time to overcome that.
I am a mother. Just a mother. I am half of who my children are – biologically. I know I cannot replace my children’s father in their hearts. And because I am just a mother, I strive to become the best that I am and that I should be.
I am very blessed. I come from a very beautiful family. And the small family that I have with my daughters counts as a very important unit to the family that raised me. Though I occupy just half the hearts of my daughters, I make sure that part is filled to the brim with so much irreplaceable and unselfish love. Everything else follows.
Rabb Zidni ilma.
Pretty Little Rosebuds 